Buenos Aires, You're Crazy

Here's a list of the most bizarre things I have seen during my time in Buenos Aires, most of them witnessed over the past couple weeks. It is stuff like this that makes me love cities--though I must say that all this tops most of the absurdity I've seen in New York.

1. A very old man (I'm guessing in his mid 80s) walking across a busy street at a snail's pace, on hunched over on a cane--and wearing a bubblegum-pink t-shirt with the words "Boogie Nights" printed across his chest.

2. A homeless man taking a bath--in a stream of water that was flowing from a little door in the side of a building, in the side of a building right next to two very popular, trendy restaurants in one of the nicest neighborhoods of the city.

3. A bus driver stopping, mid-route, mid-block, to hop out of the bus and run to the nearest kiosk, from which he purchased snacks (Cokes and Lays potato chips, the manna of Buenos Aires) to distribute to his entire family--wife and three kids--who were also riding the bus.

4. While waiting for a bus on Cabildo, a major thoroughfare, at about 12 AM on a Wednesday morning, I saw an odd vehicle approaching from a distance. It looked like some kind of weirdly shaped truck (I assumed it had something to do with sanitation) but as it got closer I could see a string of blinking lights, which seemed inappropriate for public works. Then it got closer and I could hear the party music, and then even closer and I realized that it was a small bus in the shape of a riverboat. Inside, women scantily clad in sailor costumes (bare midriffs, of course) were standing on a table and dancing with Saturday night fever.

5. I walked past a McDonald's on Santa Fe, another major thoroughfare, on maybe a Friday afternoon. At the edge of the sidewalk, on a tarp, a team of females in, again, scanty outfits--these ones covered in the McDonald's logo--were peforming a synchronized dance to peppy pop music. Let's just say their hearts weren't really in it.

6. I was on a bus one day and happened to glance out of the window when it stopped a light. To my left I saw a macho-looking guy on a motorcycle, also stopped at the light. He was wearing a backpack backwards--that is to say, on his chest instead of his back. He looked down at it and a little head popped out of it--a tiny, fluffy lap dog. He kissed it on the mouth until the light changed, at which point he revved his engine and zoomed away.

None of these things, however, top what Annie and I were so lucky to be privy to during one of our first weeks here:

7. At probably about 1 or 2 am, a car came roaring down Santa Fe, blaring music. As it passed, we caught sight of the trunk: it was wide open and cradling a completely naked man, words scrawled all over his chest, balloons tied around his neck, screaming wildly at the top of his lungs. Unbeatable--Feliz Cumpleanos to him, if he is still alive.